Tips & Advice

Savvy Dating Secrets: Making Past Relationships Work for You

December 9, 2016

I’ve heard so many people say they seem to attract the same type of person over and over again. One woman told me that if she walks into a room with 40 single men, the one alcoholic in the room will find her.

It’s important to understand your past relationships in the context of what qualities your boyfriend/girlfriend possessed that lead to the relationship being unsuccessful. I suggest you get a blank piece of paper and list any significant relationships you’ve had. Next to each name, describe the characteristics the person had that caused the failure. Then, list their personality characteristics that attracted you to them in the first place. Most likely, you’ll see a pattern in the type of people you tend to pick.

This list represents your “hooks”. Hooks are the undesirable emotional and chemical (chemistry) responses you have that make you vunerable to certain types of people. You can now use this information to evaluate someone you’re dating to see if they’re a match for you.

If you’re dating someone that has your hooks, proceed with caution. The person has power over you that makes it difficult for you to be ojective about the relationship. Avoiding people with your hooks all together will save you much heartache and pain.

When you meet someone for the first time and you feel that rush of excitment, remember you’re not really reacting to that person because you don’t know them. You’re talking to a stranger. Again, proceed with caution.

One you have the awareness and understand where you’re vunerable, you’ll be able to choose wisely. It may be that the nice, boring person you went out with doesn’t have your hooks. But with conscious effort, your feelings will eventually follow your choices. Try to give it a chance, I suggest three dates, to see if something develops. Often as you get to know the person, they’ll become more attractive.

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