Some Basic Tips to Get You a Second, or Third Date
It seems that everyone I know is going through a divorce, has just been through a divorce, or is planning a separation lately. After a decade or so of marriage, for a myriad of reasons, women in their 30’s find themselves thrown back in the dating scene.
Things have changed since they were in their 20’s, that’s for sure. The same rules do not apply to single mothers with children that work for the single 20 something girl.
Over a glass (or two, or three… who’s really counting) of wine, a dear friend who is about to embark on the single scene and I were talking about the rules for dating after marriage, and came up with a list. Part tongue in cheek, part straight up honesty, here are the basic rules for dating a grown woman with children.
1 – We do not understand words like “sup” or “word”. Those are best saved for naive 20 somethings who think it would be entertaining to date a man in his 30’s because he has a job and can grow facial hair.
2 – Yes, we have children. Therefore, we are well aware that we are not virgins. However, this does not mean that just because you bought dinner, we’re going to bring you home and perform a variety of sex acts with you on the first date.
3- Texting does not count as conversation. Yes, it’s handy for a quick “Running late, be there soon!” or “We still on for tonight?” but it will not replace getting to know someone by using the phone to actually speak into.
4- Early on, we really do not want to listen to your complaints about your work day, some chick who likes you, or your pets. Chances are, we’ve been listening to our husbands do this for the past decade or so, and would prefer you save any whining for your buddies, or your mother, or your pets. Talk to us about current events, movies, music, art, how fantastic we look in our new dress… stay positive.
5- If we make plans, keep them. Unless someone dies or your house is on fire. Seriously. With babysitters, jobs and the like, if we make a plan, we’ve gone out of our way to arrange it so if you bail last minute with some thin excuse, you can kiss the idea of us EVER performing those random sex acts on you goodbye.
6- Do not ask to meet our children early on. That’s creepy, and we are not going to be that woman who has a revolving group of random men waltzing in and out of our children’s lives. If you meet the kids, it means we’re serious. And you’ll be asked to meet them at that point, not sooner.
7- We have had children. We have nursed children. No matter what size we are, there are damages done to our bodies from birthing/feeding these small people that will not be fixed without the skills of a talented plastic surgeon. You want gravity defying boobs? Buy us some.
8- No one is asking you to be a baby daddy or source of financial support. So please don’t freak out and assume that is what we want. Being independent is like gold for us, and we plan on staying that way. Buying nice presents is of course, welcomed.
9- Cheating is a deal breaker. Period. The days of throwing caution to the wind and having a number of partners is behind us. We don’t want your cooties, or whatever cooties the girl who jumped on you naked might have invading our homes.
10- We’ve been sitting at home watching our husbands watch TV for many many years. Now, we want to go OUT, go dancing, go listen to music, picnics, drives, etc.
11- Please do not call/text in the middle of the night for a bootie call. One, we might have little people sleeping, two if we didn’t make plans with you it’s because we didn’t want to in the first place, and three, let us remind you that we’re not 22 and think this must mean you really, really like us.
12- Understand that you will not get every minute of every day with us. Our children will come first. Always. Get over it. The time we spend will be quality, but it will not be all encompassing.
13- We’ve been out of the game for a while, and are used to just saying what’s on our minds. So, if we say “I don’t feel like hanging out” instead of making up a random excuse, it’s because we don’t feel like hanging out. Nothing personal.
14- On the flip side, if we say “I’d really like to see you” it means just that. We’d like to see you. No underlying “I’m dying to have sex” (though that could possibly be an option), or “I am needy and clingy”. That statement means just what it implies. I would like to see you and spend more time with you. Be flattered.
15- In regards to chatting or other on-line communications: Don’t disappear with out a goodbye. It’s rude. You wouldn’t call someone and hang up in the middle of a conversation, so please apply those rules to on-line chatting as well. Unless, of course someone died or your house is on fire.