Tips & Advice

Dating & Relationships: The Compulsive Liar, AKA Chameleon

December 30, 2016

Ahh, the compulsive liar, I know him all too well, Remember my second husband, the revolving door man, well he was also the best liar who ever lived. This type of man can literally drive you insane. After awhile you don’t know what’s real and what’s a fabrication of his mind. In the beginning he is smooth, charming, and very likeable. Unfortunately, even that part is just on big lie. He is like a chameleon searching out his victims. He will literally swallow up your mind if given half a chance. Let me tell you about my experience with this type of man.

WARNING: This man changes from moment to moment. As the chameleon builds his walls of lies, he slowly becomes what he knows you need him to be. This in his mind is why he lies compulsively. He has never believed he is okay just the way he is. He must keep on lying to build an identity and past that anyone would be impressed by. He seeks out women that he knows has a basic trust of humanity. It’s too hard for him to deal with the skeptics of life. Why bother, there are so many willing victims in his mind.

When I first met my second husband he created a resume that would have turned any women’s head, especially a trusting person like myself. He told me he had been a pilot in the military, had a bachelor’s degree in history, his retirement pay from the military was going into a fund for his five children (how touching), he had a very traumatic tour of duty in Vietnam, and had played AAA baseball in California. Well, he had been in the military. You got it, it was all lies. Of course I didn’t know this untill after we were married. Oh yes, did I forget to mention that he forget to tell me he was a Mormon for the twenty years he was married to his first wife? The point here is because I was trusting and did not snoop I ended up with the compulsive liar from hell. By the way, I met his kids, friends, his work buddies who were in the law enforcement field, and so on, and never found out he was lying until after we were married.

After we were married and the lies started to unfold, I was in total shock. The man I first met had acted like Dudley Doright. I can’t tell you the heartbreak of truly loving someone, or at least who I thought he was, and then slowly seeing all crumble. The lies came one by one. My trust started to shatter. I was walking on eggshells all the time. The constant worrying and wondering was driving me crazy. After awhile I stared to question in my mind everything he said.

Well, after most of the lies came out, I couldn’t take it anymore. Nothing will drive a person crazier faster than someone who continually lies to them. You don’t know if you’re coming or going. Well, guess what he’s gone, and I’m just fine. Unfortunately he married another victim just eleven months after I divorced him. Boy did she have some surprises coming to her. Luckily, I got to see one of his really big lies not mentioned here blow up in his face in court, right in front of his new wife. Justice in deed is so very sweet. As God says in the Bible “Vengeance is Mine Saeth The Lord”, He sure came through that day.

How could I have been so naïve? The answer to that is, why do we always blame the victim like they should have known better? Would someone who is raped be at fault? Of course not, so then why does it always seem like trusting, loving people get the wrap for being stupid? We are not stupid. We’re the descent people of life that unfortunately get ravaged by the predators of life. I refuse to apologize for just trusting, and loving someone. It’s time we made the predators accountable for their actions, and not put it on to the victims. We so often do this in our society. Okay, enough of the soapbox preaching.

Well, what this all adds up to is you really have to be careful out there. Nowadays, a background check couldn’t hurt before becoming seriously involved with someone. I know that may sound drastic, but let’s face it with everything that goes on these days, I say Why Not? As I mention in a lot of my articles my rule of thumb is; it’s ALWAYS better to be SAFE than SORRY!

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