Dating Fiasco

September 12, 2016

All of us have had one. You know, that one date we wish would have never happened. That one date that we only tell to another soul after several weeks of mulling it over in self-doubt as to whether or not you should ever speak of it again, or just let it listlessly fade from memory. For me, this date happened on July 6, 2013–ironically, about two weeks before I met the woman who is presently my wife.

Alison and I had met online. With my busy work schedule, it made it impossible for me to find a girl the ‘traditional’ way, and so a buddy of mine helped me create an online profile with OkCupid. The website was actually quite fun to play around with as it had some user-quizzes, and a pretty interesting profile-building experience. As suggested by the website, within a few days someone had already e-mailed me. Honestly, it took a while to weed-out the people I would blatantly not be interested in versus those that had potential, but finally I came across a profile that I thought would blend well with my values, likes, dislikes, etc–and so I sent her a message.

Two days later I received a response and we began chatting. After two days of instant messaging the good ole’ fashioned way on AIM, we decided we wanted to meet one other. We set a date at Applebee’s for that coming Friday night at 7:30 PM. This was the first date I had been on in a couple of months since my previous relationship ended, so I was definitely nervous. I could tell because it took me more than 2 minutes to decide what to wear. After deciding, I showered, got dressed, and off I went.

I arrived 10 minutes early, like usual, and proceeded to wait for my date to arrive. She had told me she drove a red pick-up truck, and would be wearing a purple dress. 7:30 came and went rather quickly. So did 7:45, and so did 8:00. I am a very patient person. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t been and just left; but I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sure enough, right when I was about to leave, I see a red pick-up truck pull into the parking lot. It unsafely pulled-up to the curb, came to a squealing halt, and a red-haired woman hopped out of the truck. The truck then peeled-out of the parking lot, and there she stood.

Alison had described herself as a 25 year old at 5’5″ and125 pounds with red hair and blue eyes. The picture I saw confirmed that. When she walked-up to me though, she looked at if she might have been 35 years old, 5’5′”, and a little bit generous on her weight description. I later found out that the picture she showed me was from 8 years prior. No matter though, my mother raised me to be a polite person, and so the date went on.

When she walked-up to me, she was quite apologetic about her tardiness. She explained that her ex-fiance had forgotten to pick her up. I was confused, but she quickly cleared that up for me by explaining that they still lived together until they could find alternate arrangements. Not even that had me running for the hills though. It wasn’t until we got halfway through dinner and her ex-fiance Joey came storming in the restaurant and began yelling at her for not finishing the dishes at their apartment that I decided it was time for me to make a graceful exit.

I politely thanked her for her time, and attempted to leave; but things started to heat-up. Her ex-fiance followed me out to the parking lot and began yelling curse words at me, and threatening to ‘kick my [expletive]’. I tried to get to my car, but he prevented me from doing so. Apparently though, some divine being had noticed my patience and politeness because a police car pulled-up to where we were, and two officers got out and asked if everything was OK. Alison’s ex-fiance then began telling the cops that I ‘hit’ his ‘fiance’.

I explained the situation to the police officers, and within minutes I was allowed to leave. The ex-fiance, Joey, ended up getting arrested when he pitched a fit that they wouldn’t do anything about me ‘hitting’ his ‘fiance’. Come to find out, Joey was quite drunk, and so began what I would imagine was a very long night for him.

So, that is it. Whenever I have a friend or family member in need of a good cheer-up, I always reach in my bag of memories and provide them that little starlet of an experience. Needless to say, I hung-up my ‘online-dating-apron’ for a couple weeks–that is, until I gave it one more shot, and found my wife of now almost 5 years.

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