Dating Family Friends

October 1, 2016

How to Go About Asking Out a Friend of Someone in Your Family

Dating a friend of a family member can either be a thorny situation or a bed of roses. It’s a situation in which everyone involved can either stand to gain a lot or lose a lot – two people may fall in love and live happily ever after, or each relationship will end up going down the drain. But you know what “they” say – you can’t help whom you fall in love with. So if you find yourself smitten with a longtime pal of a brother, sister, cousin, niece, nephew, etc. here are some things to keep in mind when pursuing such a relationship:

  • It’s best to talk to your brother/sister/cousin/etc. about pursuing the relationship in the first place, out of respect. After all, the object of your interest has been in their lives for some time – to try and coordinate a love affair behind their backs could cause hurt feelings and resentment directed at you and the friend. If you really care about that family member and that person, you will not want to cause them any undue stress or anger. Plus, your family member is the best chance you’ve got at a hook-up: they know the person you’re interested on a intimate level and can give you advice as well as put in a good word for you.
  • Also, it is absolutely essential that you make your intentions clear to your family ahead of time. If all you want their friend for is a one-night stand, be prepared to hear about it later on (if you and that family member are that close) or at least prepare for some negative energy directed at you from that family member. After all, you will have jilted someone they’re close to. Their friend might not be family, but there is a bond between the two of them. You must recognize and respect that.
  • Once the relationship takes off, keep your family out of it. They do not need to know the nitty-gritty details of your personal life- do you want to know theirs? It’s also best to not try and fish around for information from your family regarding the person you’re seeing. If you’re grown up enough to be in a relationship, then you should be able to ask the person you’re in a relationship with if there are problems between the two of you. Don’t use your family member as a go-between; it isn’t fair to him or her.
  • If the relationship needs to come to an end, be sure to do it amicably. This is a relationship that is ultimately going have some sort of impact on the person in your family. Think about it – the person you’ve been seeing is his/her friend, and has consequently been in their life longer than they’ve been in yours. The person you’ve been seeing probably has established relationships with other people in your family, so it might be somewhat unrealistic for you to think that you can get away with never seeing them again (unless you’re not particularly close to any of your family). So in the end, it would be in your best interests, as well as your family’s and the other person’s, to try and not jilt the one you’ve been seeing.

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